Forum libero

There's a difference between "I love you", "I'm attracted to you", and "I need you". Only the latter is a problem in your situation -- the neediness. That's where the anxiety and self-doubt and insistent wanting are located.

Probably the most common malfunction of love is that we think we need someone else to make ourselves complete. When that happens, we lose track of ourselves and go into a strange mode where we MUST have someone else to be OK. This never works out, even it the target of your affections is responsive, simply because nobody else can make you whole. Life just doesn't work that way, you have to provide your own wholeness.

So this is what makes her uncomfortable: the neediness. She knows she can't be true to herself and solve that problem for you at the same time, and to be around it is a strain because she's aware of "depriving you" of what you need. She's your tormentor, in effect.

By contrast, if you are just smitten with her but don't need her to return the favor, and she senses that, it's flattering without being stressful. Can you do that? Probably not without some re-working of your own ideas of who you are. But it can be done.